hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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