Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
