My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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