I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
