kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
