I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
