no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
