she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Randomize
