the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
