dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize