yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize