I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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