I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
