We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize