the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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