I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
