You work out of a Hotel?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
