i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
