were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
