Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
