His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
