She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
