youre lurking in front of me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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