He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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