I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
