I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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