I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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