I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize