I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
