I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
