3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
