I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
