kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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