She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I touched a dick in church today
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My breath smells like gin and sadness
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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