I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
