It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
