She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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