what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
