tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
