Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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