Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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