my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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