I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
