It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
