just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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