we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
