worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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