So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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