theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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