I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
