god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
