your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
