my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
