He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm at about main and main street
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
