when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
