He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
