Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
