Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
