I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
