dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
