I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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