Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
