haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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